Golden Urinals

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold."

She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar.

"Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender said,
"Hey, Clarence, I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on
a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the
sales clerk.

"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look
at the shoes and at the man's feet.

"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.

"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."

The Bitter Soldier

The soldier serving in eastern Asia was annoyed and upset when his girl sent him a "Dear John" letter, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

The serviceman went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find. Then he bundled them all together and sent them back to the girl with a note saying: "Regret cannot remember which one is you - please keep your photo and return the others."